Holly, I usually save your post to read on a Saturday evening, but in my e-mail preview line I read 'O Come, O Come, Emmanuel' and knew I had to read it right away - even though it's only 3.15pm over here! It's my favourite Advent hymn, you see. In fact I'm humming the tune right now.
I love everything you've written here, and how beautifully you've related it to the words of the hymn. That beautiful picture of Jonah and Chloe is heartwarming, the concert sounded amazing, and so did Jonah's birthday. I've followed his story since I joined Substack back in the summer, and it's fantastic to read this latest part.
Thank you for the call to arms. YES to talking about all of these things. And yes to strength and love and hope to guide us all.
Thank you for following his story and for always rooting for us--and for everyone really. You’re a reader-turned-into-friend, and I’m wishing you a very merry Christmas. Keep humming!
Beautiful words, Holly. What a gift you have. This is my favorite advent hymn and you brought so much personal resonance to it that I’m in tears. I’m reminded of the time in my life many many years ago when I worked at a residential treatment home in the Hudson Valley of New York. It was a beautiful rural area about an hour outside NYC. Your essay recalls a memory I have of a young woman shooting hoops in the courtyard, all alone. It was the middle of the day and everyone else was in their respective programming, but there she was shooting hoops, allowed to do her own thing because she was new and still detoxing and needed to keep her body moving. I don’t know why this visual of her body elongated in a jump shot and the sounds of the basketball on concrete and her feet shuffling on gravel have stuck with me for so many years, but now I’m hearing this beautiful hymn in the background of my memory. It was the beginning of her journey with the anticipation of so much to come.
Thank you for sharing your story. I have a complicated relationship with the church right now, which spills over a bit into faith in general, which I didn’t really notice until I started writing about advent a couple weeks ago and I found some of the usual words difficult to write. I appreciate how difficult the journey has been for you as a mom and I’m thankful you and Jonah are willing to share it. Some of us need reminders to help keep us tethered.
What a visual! I can see her shooting those hoops, and it actually brought to mind TBD over at Thanks for Letting Me Share who writes about his recovery--he loves shooting hoops. Physical fitness--working out, playing various team sports, and eating nutritious meals-is a huge part of the program Jonah’s in. It’s definitely not in a serene, remote location, but the focus on his health has been key. It’s a good outlet.
I’m spending a good part of today catching up on all the posts I’ve missed the last couple of weeks, and I’ve been looking forward to getting to yours. I think the fact that we can talk about our difficulties with “the church” is important. I write from a place of great faith, but I don’t pretend to have all the answers--because who really does? All we can do is share where we are and what’s helping us--and sometimes sharing the things that haven’t served us. I have a lot of feelings about the way we Christians “do church,” and I hope to write more on that one day.
Thanks for being here--always appreciate your perspective.
I’ve been told he’s been reading every one of these posts, so I’ve got a sneaking suspicion that he’s aware. I made a similar post on social media on his birthday (a rare post since I’ve kind of quit that this year) to spread awareness. I let him read it on the way to the concert, and he wanted to read every comment. Thanks for rooting for him. It matters.
Such a beautiful photo of Chloe and Jonah! Rejoice indeed! And yes, we DO need to talk about these things.
The challenge in my family was that once the child turns 18, a parent's hands are legally tied. Even when the kid is still in high school! My brother could not access my niece's records, could not check her in or apply for treatment, could not talk to the dr., etc. That's a huge burden to put on an 18 or 19 y/o who is already struggling with addiction. I have so much admiration for my brother and sister-in-law for continuing to show up, for never giving up, and going the extra mile. On top of the addiction, my niece has struggled with personality disorder and trauma. Honestly, I wasn't sure she'd make it. And now, she has her own apartment and a FT job working with kids. Every day is a blessing, yes, and every day requires a renewed commitment. Blessings to you and your family!
I completely understand with hands being tied. My hands were tied with Jonah for a long time due to his going to live with his dad at 16 then gaining access to an inheritance at 18. It was only when he had no money left and his dad thousands of miles away that I finally had a chance to use some leverage. And that small bit of leverage got him in. From there, he didn’t have to sign a release for the facility/counselors to share anything with me. I’m just glad he did and continues to let me help be a part of his recovery in that manner. In participating in a weekly family call with other parents/spouses with loved ones there, I’ve learned how fortunate I am in that regard.
What a great slice of hope for your brother--to know that with all of her issues, his daughter is making it. Day by day, she is making it!
It must have been incredibly difficult to have your son go live with your father - no matter what the circumstances were. And - forgive me if this doesn't resonate or I am overstepping my bounds - but a child needs to break from mom in order to become an adult. We need to leave home in order to find home. And mom is always home, as she is our first home (quite literally). This is a challenge today b/c we are so connected via our phones - it is way too easy for us to stay in touch and, consequently, for a child to not go away and feel lonely or homesick. We want to shield our children from that pain - but that experience is actually essential to our growth, to our individuation, to maturing and learning to take care of ourselves and not relying on someone else (our parents or parent-figures) to take care of us. What Jonah went through is the last thing we want and the scariest experience for us who can do nothing. AND he pulled through. It was his hero's journey and he has returned. He is aptly named! He certainly has spent his time in the belly of the whale!!
Honestly, we all thought my niece would be the one who would never leave home. She expected her folks to do everything for her and accepted no responsibility for anything. Then she experienced a horrible trauma that she will be healing from for many years and yes, this plunged her into addiction, and eventually her leaving home to live with some shady characters, all so scary for our family... yet, now she is learning to find home in herself, to be responsible for herself, and this is amazing to behold.
We want to shield our children from pain and yet the truth is, we each need to experience pain and separation in some form in order to mature and become our best selves. Seems counter-intuitive but there it is. The hero journey truly is a matter of life and death. Thank God both Jonah and my niece made it through! - and - returning is a huge responsibility. It's not easy. As Seneca wrote almost 2,000 years ago: Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.
one day at a time! Blessings to you and your family!
Beautiful post, Holly. Thanks for sharing hope, it's a rare commodity as many are not comfortable enough to share their stories. Know that Jonah and your family are doing God's work. I hope you get to ride the rollercoaster over the remainder of the holidays!! 💟
Gorgeous, powerful post, Holly! I love how you interwove Chloe’s song with Jonah’s story. There’s so much hope here. But also so much sadness for the ways that drugs have infiltrated our communities. I would guess almost all of us have watched a loved one struggle with some sort of addiction. It’s lovely to know that happy endings are possible.
Writing these posts is where the magic happens. As I wrote the opening lines, I began humming the song and was curious to read all the lyrics. My arms were quickly covered in goosebumps. I knew I had to include the lyrics--a song of deliverance for a story of deliverance. A happy ending indeed, though I am always prepared for a relapse if it happens. Addiction is a constant battle.
Thank you for sharing Jonah’s journey. Your writing is so honest and courageous. I wish him well on his recovery. I know somewhere down the road his life will touch someone else and inspire them in their own journey.
Thank you Holly for sharing your family's story in order to get this message out. You are right, it is everywhere, and it's not just opioids--there are so many types of addiction, and they all ruin lives. I know, I've seen it up close and personal. The hardest part is keeping anger and judgement in check--it's natural to be angry but it only makes things worse. Thanks again.
I agree, Charles--it would be easy to just be angry, but that doesn’t help anyone. We have many people in my town who struggle with one addiction or another (as well as mental illness). I’ve always tried to treat them with kindness and care because I know none of them were once 10-year-old kids who said, “I want to be an addict when I grow up.” They are someone’s son, brother, father, husband. And they are God’s creation. I try to remind myself of those things when I find myself getting judgmental.
Thanks for sharing; I appreciate your story about your difficulties with a family member with an opioid use disorder. I just wrote a piece highlighting a book a friend and neighbor wrote called Two Hearts on a Rocky Road by Rosalind Katz. Her book talks about her stress and challenges with their son, that develops schizophrenia. One of the areas of my work has been with opioid substance use disorder, having worked at the state medical and psychiatric hospital treating addictions and as a medical director running a couple of opioid treatment programs here in the Asheville area. My latest Substack article discusses the difficulties of being a parent or caregiver when an expected family mental health crisis develops. My heart goes out to you and my admiration for your family in facing the realities of the situation with love, taking the steps, and finding the resources you need. Reaching out and finding help where you need it is essential, including your faith and support system.
Thanks for this thoughtful comment, Ron, and thank you especially for the hard work in this field. There just aren’t enough good resources, in my opinion, especially for those who cannot pay.
Please share the link to your article. I’d love to read it, and I’m sure others would, too.
What a beautiful picture and song! (one of my favorites) Happy Birthday to Jonah! Thank you Holly for sharing what you and your family have walked through and continue to walk through. As a mom of two children I need to continue to have these conversations. Thank you. You and your family our a blessing.
Having the courage to be honest about Jonah's journey (and yours) could certainly help others. Thank you for sharing this wonderful post full of good will, hope, and faith.
I continue to marvel at the things you talk about. Most of us probably couldn’t bring ourselves to talk about hard subjects or talk about the pressures we face on a daily basis.
We have to keep praying that God will help us, even though sometimes our prayers aren't answered. I wish I knew why they weren't answered. There must be a reason.
Thanks, Matt. And yes--it’s difficult to talk about these things, but this is real life. Not those carefully curated photos on social media. Life is messy, and humans have more in common than they realize. It’s those common experiences that help us see we are not alone in our struggles and help us have compassion for others.
Thanks for the reminder about speaking to kids about the dangers of Fentanyl. Sometimes we feel like we’re going overboard with the warnings but like you said it only takes one mistake. 🙏🏽
I think it hits home when they hear a story of it happening to someone they know or happening to a “good kid.” It can happen regardless of socioeconomic status.
Holly, I usually save your post to read on a Saturday evening, but in my e-mail preview line I read 'O Come, O Come, Emmanuel' and knew I had to read it right away - even though it's only 3.15pm over here! It's my favourite Advent hymn, you see. In fact I'm humming the tune right now.
I love everything you've written here, and how beautifully you've related it to the words of the hymn. That beautiful picture of Jonah and Chloe is heartwarming, the concert sounded amazing, and so did Jonah's birthday. I've followed his story since I joined Substack back in the summer, and it's fantastic to read this latest part.
Thank you for the call to arms. YES to talking about all of these things. And yes to strength and love and hope to guide us all.
Thank you for following his story and for always rooting for us--and for everyone really. You’re a reader-turned-into-friend, and I’m wishing you a very merry Christmas. Keep humming!
Beautiful words, Holly. What a gift you have. This is my favorite advent hymn and you brought so much personal resonance to it that I’m in tears. I’m reminded of the time in my life many many years ago when I worked at a residential treatment home in the Hudson Valley of New York. It was a beautiful rural area about an hour outside NYC. Your essay recalls a memory I have of a young woman shooting hoops in the courtyard, all alone. It was the middle of the day and everyone else was in their respective programming, but there she was shooting hoops, allowed to do her own thing because she was new and still detoxing and needed to keep her body moving. I don’t know why this visual of her body elongated in a jump shot and the sounds of the basketball on concrete and her feet shuffling on gravel have stuck with me for so many years, but now I’m hearing this beautiful hymn in the background of my memory. It was the beginning of her journey with the anticipation of so much to come.
Thank you for sharing your story. I have a complicated relationship with the church right now, which spills over a bit into faith in general, which I didn’t really notice until I started writing about advent a couple weeks ago and I found some of the usual words difficult to write. I appreciate how difficult the journey has been for you as a mom and I’m thankful you and Jonah are willing to share it. Some of us need reminders to help keep us tethered.
What a visual! I can see her shooting those hoops, and it actually brought to mind TBD over at Thanks for Letting Me Share who writes about his recovery--he loves shooting hoops. Physical fitness--working out, playing various team sports, and eating nutritious meals-is a huge part of the program Jonah’s in. It’s definitely not in a serene, remote location, but the focus on his health has been key. It’s a good outlet.
I’m spending a good part of today catching up on all the posts I’ve missed the last couple of weeks, and I’ve been looking forward to getting to yours. I think the fact that we can talk about our difficulties with “the church” is important. I write from a place of great faith, but I don’t pretend to have all the answers--because who really does? All we can do is share where we are and what’s helping us--and sometimes sharing the things that haven’t served us. I have a lot of feelings about the way we Christians “do church,” and I hope to write more on that one day.
Thanks for being here--always appreciate your perspective.
I hope Jonah knows how many of us are rooting for him. 7 months is a great marker. Every day is a victory.
I’ve been told he’s been reading every one of these posts, so I’ve got a sneaking suspicion that he’s aware. I made a similar post on social media on his birthday (a rare post since I’ve kind of quit that this year) to spread awareness. I let him read it on the way to the concert, and he wanted to read every comment. Thanks for rooting for him. It matters.
You and your family continue to inspire.
Sometimes I want to have less inspirational stories, if you know what I mean!🤣 It’s been a rollercoaster year!
“Let’s ride the Ferris wheel for a bit, please.”
Such a beautiful photo of Chloe and Jonah! Rejoice indeed! And yes, we DO need to talk about these things.
The challenge in my family was that once the child turns 18, a parent's hands are legally tied. Even when the kid is still in high school! My brother could not access my niece's records, could not check her in or apply for treatment, could not talk to the dr., etc. That's a huge burden to put on an 18 or 19 y/o who is already struggling with addiction. I have so much admiration for my brother and sister-in-law for continuing to show up, for never giving up, and going the extra mile. On top of the addiction, my niece has struggled with personality disorder and trauma. Honestly, I wasn't sure she'd make it. And now, she has her own apartment and a FT job working with kids. Every day is a blessing, yes, and every day requires a renewed commitment. Blessings to you and your family!
I completely understand with hands being tied. My hands were tied with Jonah for a long time due to his going to live with his dad at 16 then gaining access to an inheritance at 18. It was only when he had no money left and his dad thousands of miles away that I finally had a chance to use some leverage. And that small bit of leverage got him in. From there, he didn’t have to sign a release for the facility/counselors to share anything with me. I’m just glad he did and continues to let me help be a part of his recovery in that manner. In participating in a weekly family call with other parents/spouses with loved ones there, I’ve learned how fortunate I am in that regard.
What a great slice of hope for your brother--to know that with all of her issues, his daughter is making it. Day by day, she is making it!
It must have been incredibly difficult to have your son go live with your father - no matter what the circumstances were. And - forgive me if this doesn't resonate or I am overstepping my bounds - but a child needs to break from mom in order to become an adult. We need to leave home in order to find home. And mom is always home, as she is our first home (quite literally). This is a challenge today b/c we are so connected via our phones - it is way too easy for us to stay in touch and, consequently, for a child to not go away and feel lonely or homesick. We want to shield our children from that pain - but that experience is actually essential to our growth, to our individuation, to maturing and learning to take care of ourselves and not relying on someone else (our parents or parent-figures) to take care of us. What Jonah went through is the last thing we want and the scariest experience for us who can do nothing. AND he pulled through. It was his hero's journey and he has returned. He is aptly named! He certainly has spent his time in the belly of the whale!!
Honestly, we all thought my niece would be the one who would never leave home. She expected her folks to do everything for her and accepted no responsibility for anything. Then she experienced a horrible trauma that she will be healing from for many years and yes, this plunged her into addiction, and eventually her leaving home to live with some shady characters, all so scary for our family... yet, now she is learning to find home in herself, to be responsible for herself, and this is amazing to behold.
We want to shield our children from pain and yet the truth is, we each need to experience pain and separation in some form in order to mature and become our best selves. Seems counter-intuitive but there it is. The hero journey truly is a matter of life and death. Thank God both Jonah and my niece made it through! - and - returning is a huge responsibility. It's not easy. As Seneca wrote almost 2,000 years ago: Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.
one day at a time! Blessings to you and your family!
Thank you for being so open with Jonah's story and the victory he has won and continues to fight to win each day. God be near.
Beautiful post, Holly. Thanks for sharing hope, it's a rare commodity as many are not comfortable enough to share their stories. Know that Jonah and your family are doing God's work. I hope you get to ride the rollercoaster over the remainder of the holidays!! 💟
Gorgeous, powerful post, Holly! I love how you interwove Chloe’s song with Jonah’s story. There’s so much hope here. But also so much sadness for the ways that drugs have infiltrated our communities. I would guess almost all of us have watched a loved one struggle with some sort of addiction. It’s lovely to know that happy endings are possible.
Writing these posts is where the magic happens. As I wrote the opening lines, I began humming the song and was curious to read all the lyrics. My arms were quickly covered in goosebumps. I knew I had to include the lyrics--a song of deliverance for a story of deliverance. A happy ending indeed, though I am always prepared for a relapse if it happens. Addiction is a constant battle.
Thank you for sharing Jonah’s journey. Your writing is so honest and courageous. I wish him well on his recovery. I know somewhere down the road his life will touch someone else and inspire them in their own journey.
Thank you, Stella. I’m so proud of him for sharing his story.
Thank you Holly for sharing your family's story in order to get this message out. You are right, it is everywhere, and it's not just opioids--there are so many types of addiction, and they all ruin lives. I know, I've seen it up close and personal. The hardest part is keeping anger and judgement in check--it's natural to be angry but it only makes things worse. Thanks again.
I agree, Charles--it would be easy to just be angry, but that doesn’t help anyone. We have many people in my town who struggle with one addiction or another (as well as mental illness). I’ve always tried to treat them with kindness and care because I know none of them were once 10-year-old kids who said, “I want to be an addict when I grow up.” They are someone’s son, brother, father, husband. And they are God’s creation. I try to remind myself of those things when I find myself getting judgmental.
Keep up the good work.
Thanks for sharing; I appreciate your story about your difficulties with a family member with an opioid use disorder. I just wrote a piece highlighting a book a friend and neighbor wrote called Two Hearts on a Rocky Road by Rosalind Katz. Her book talks about her stress and challenges with their son, that develops schizophrenia. One of the areas of my work has been with opioid substance use disorder, having worked at the state medical and psychiatric hospital treating addictions and as a medical director running a couple of opioid treatment programs here in the Asheville area. My latest Substack article discusses the difficulties of being a parent or caregiver when an expected family mental health crisis develops. My heart goes out to you and my admiration for your family in facing the realities of the situation with love, taking the steps, and finding the resources you need. Reaching out and finding help where you need it is essential, including your faith and support system.
Thanks for this thoughtful comment, Ron, and thank you especially for the hard work in this field. There just aren’t enough good resources, in my opinion, especially for those who cannot pay.
Please share the link to your article. I’d love to read it, and I’m sure others would, too.
What a beautiful picture and song! (one of my favorites) Happy Birthday to Jonah! Thank you Holly for sharing what you and your family have walked through and continue to walk through. As a mom of two children I need to continue to have these conversations. Thank you. You and your family our a blessing.
Thanks for reading and especially for the resolve to have those tough conversations with your kids.
Having the courage to be honest about Jonah's journey (and yours) could certainly help others. Thank you for sharing this wonderful post full of good will, hope, and faith.
So happy to see Jonah has come so far.
I continue to marvel at the things you talk about. Most of us probably couldn’t bring ourselves to talk about hard subjects or talk about the pressures we face on a daily basis.
We have to keep praying that God will help us, even though sometimes our prayers aren't answered. I wish I knew why they weren't answered. There must be a reason.
Thanks, Matt. And yes--it’s difficult to talk about these things, but this is real life. Not those carefully curated photos on social media. Life is messy, and humans have more in common than they realize. It’s those common experiences that help us see we are not alone in our struggles and help us have compassion for others.
Thanks for the reminder about speaking to kids about the dangers of Fentanyl. Sometimes we feel like we’re going overboard with the warnings but like you said it only takes one mistake. 🙏🏽
I think it hits home when they hear a story of it happening to someone they know or happening to a “good kid.” It can happen regardless of socioeconomic status.