Such an increasingly important topic these days. I had all but given up on finding a virtual community of people until I came across Substack. It didn’t seem feasible—everything seemed too fleeting.
I totally believe we can find community in the virtual world, and yes--Substack is a wonderful space for that! About 15 years ago there was a site a lot like this called OurStory (which was later bought by the Zuck and all of our content was gone...poof!). I made some wonderful friends there, including one I still talk to. We finally met in person a few years ago. I definitely am thankful for virtual spaces like this!
I like your writing (or I would not have subscribed), but I have a different take on "tribe". As teens, we engage in a desperate search for "tribe", which often (not always) can lead to misery, insecurity, and bad influences, and also walls us off from everyone not in the tribe. I have become a much happier person over the years in large part by expanding my "tribe" to include a wider and wider variety of people, such that the notion of tribe has very little meaning for me any more. I suspect humanity would be much happier overall if we understood that we are all the same tribe. Which would be another way of saying we have outgrown the notion of tribe altogether.
Part of this community is that I enjoy reading others' perspectives. As I was reading your comment, my mind went to Lord of the Flies--yikes! And yes! Trying to build a tribe can certainly be a negative thing.
For me, my tribe is small, but my community is large and with lots of people who challenge what's "normal" to me--or what I have grown up being told is normal. I greatly appreciate variety in the types of folks I engage with. But my tribe--those are the people who know me best. They know my history, they know my heart, and they know where I'm trying to go in this world. And they're not afraid to ask me to take a step back from a decision or a line of thought if it doesn't line up with who they know me to be. I would call them my "cabinet," but I hate politics. :)
“The deeper I have grown my connection with God, the more He connects me with the right people.” Yes! And those then people help me better connect with God! It’s a very cool virtuous cycle...
‘Sometimes that bus gets noisy!’ - absolutely right!
I’m catching up on the Substack posts I’ve missed the last couple of days - and this one of yours is exactly what I needed to read.
I am easily overwhelmed and have some trouble maintaining relationships. Yesterday I joined friends for lunch at someone’s house - the first time we’d done that since early 2020. I’d worried about it for a long time (would I embarrass myself, would I talk absolute rubbish, would they all think I’m weird...?) but I had the absolute best time.
And it’s great to hear your latest update on Jonah - wonderful. :D
My son called me yesterday a couple of hours after I published this piece. We talked about that very thing! He has been writing a lot about the isolation and emotional detachment that came with not liking who he had become. I remember one call several weeks ago when he told me, “Today was the first day in a long time that I looked in the mirror and didn’t hate myself.” It’s hard to ask others to join your journey when you think you are unworthy.
The truth is, we’re all screwed up in some way. Some of us just hide it better than others. Being vulnerable with others gives them permission to be who they are, too, without shooting for unattainable perfection.
I’m glad you’re here, Michelle. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for sharing!
Such an increasingly important topic these days. I had all but given up on finding a virtual community of people until I came across Substack. It didn’t seem feasible—everything seemed too fleeting.
I’m glad I was proven wrong.
I totally believe we can find community in the virtual world, and yes--Substack is a wonderful space for that! About 15 years ago there was a site a lot like this called OurStory (which was later bought by the Zuck and all of our content was gone...poof!). I made some wonderful friends there, including one I still talk to. We finally met in person a few years ago. I definitely am thankful for virtual spaces like this!
I like your writing (or I would not have subscribed), but I have a different take on "tribe". As teens, we engage in a desperate search for "tribe", which often (not always) can lead to misery, insecurity, and bad influences, and also walls us off from everyone not in the tribe. I have become a much happier person over the years in large part by expanding my "tribe" to include a wider and wider variety of people, such that the notion of tribe has very little meaning for me any more. I suspect humanity would be much happier overall if we understood that we are all the same tribe. Which would be another way of saying we have outgrown the notion of tribe altogether.
Part of this community is that I enjoy reading others' perspectives. As I was reading your comment, my mind went to Lord of the Flies--yikes! And yes! Trying to build a tribe can certainly be a negative thing.
For me, my tribe is small, but my community is large and with lots of people who challenge what's "normal" to me--or what I have grown up being told is normal. I greatly appreciate variety in the types of folks I engage with. But my tribe--those are the people who know me best. They know my history, they know my heart, and they know where I'm trying to go in this world. And they're not afraid to ask me to take a step back from a decision or a line of thought if it doesn't line up with who they know me to be. I would call them my "cabinet," but I hate politics. :)
Thanks for sharing, Charles. Very insightful!
"Cabinet"! that's great. An x-girlfriend of mine used to refer to her closest confidants as her "advisory board".
That's the best yet! I think I will start using that because that's really what they are.
“The deeper I have grown my connection with God, the more He connects me with the right people.” Yes! And those then people help me better connect with God! It’s a very cool virtuous cycle...
‘Sometimes that bus gets noisy!’ - absolutely right!
I’m catching up on the Substack posts I’ve missed the last couple of days - and this one of yours is exactly what I needed to read.
I am easily overwhelmed and have some trouble maintaining relationships. Yesterday I joined friends for lunch at someone’s house - the first time we’d done that since early 2020. I’d worried about it for a long time (would I embarrass myself, would I talk absolute rubbish, would they all think I’m weird...?) but I had the absolute best time.
And it’s great to hear your latest update on Jonah - wonderful. :D
I get it! I’m also easily overwhelmed. Suleika has a great post on that today over at The Isolation Journals if you haven’t already read it:
https://theisolationjournals.substack.com/p/shifting-expectations
Also, you won our book giveaway! Email your mailing address to me at hollyrabalais@substack.com and I’ll get it shipped out.
Oh wow wow wow - I read ‘Rebecca H’ yet didn’t think that would be me!! Thank you so much!
Going to check out Suleika’s post right now... :D
My son called me yesterday a couple of hours after I published this piece. We talked about that very thing! He has been writing a lot about the isolation and emotional detachment that came with not liking who he had become. I remember one call several weeks ago when he told me, “Today was the first day in a long time that I looked in the mirror and didn’t hate myself.” It’s hard to ask others to join your journey when you think you are unworthy.
The truth is, we’re all screwed up in some way. Some of us just hide it better than others. Being vulnerable with others gives them permission to be who they are, too, without shooting for unattainable perfection.
I’m glad you’re here, Michelle. Thanks for sharing!