Listen

how a road trip and a song prompted me to practice the art of shutting up

Well, last week was fun, wasn’t it?! Rivers’ story had so many views, shares, and positive responses—thank you for showing up for him and rooting for his continued success! I hope to include more features like that in future posts, so if you know someone who has an inspiring story of resilience, shoot me an email at hollyrabalais@substack.com. I’d love to meet and interview them!

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I’m still recovering from our road trip with our granddaughter to Cincinnati last week—7 days, 8 nights, 1,800+ miles, 3 Airbnbs, and 2 nights of really good sleep (let’s not talk about the other 5). It was both exhausting and exhilarating! Several months ago, Chloe auditioned and was selected for the ACDA² National Conference Elementary Honor Choir. We jumped at the chance to spend the week with her and decided to drive so we could stop along the way and introduce her to some cities she’s not visited.

We spent our first night in Memphis, Tennessee, at Jo’s Place—a great Airbnb if you’re looking for a great value and a very comfortable bed in the area. We visited the IKEA store, which I think is a wonderful way to open your eyes to the possibility of living in less space. Chloe, of course, fell in love with all the cool bedroom models and has declared she wants to remodel her room.

We also checked out Overton Square, a cool little artsy area on the east side of the city. Most of the stores and restaurants were closed when we visited, but we enjoyed the murals and art installments there. Of course, we also had to visit Beale Street. We didn’t have a chance to dig deep into the historical significance of the famous location with her (mostly because I didn’t fully understand it myself), but the photos we took will pave the way for future conversations.

Clockwise from top left: Jay Crum & Kong Wee Pang’s Dove Nest, 2016; guitar photo op on Beale Street; a Little Free Library in Overton Square; colorful steps in Overton Square; contemplation; Yvonne Bobo’s Gyroscopic, 2013.

Next, we headed east to Nashville with a hop off the interstate to check out a hole-in-the-wall cafe called Suga’s Diner for lunch. From the food to our waitress, Tracy, it did not disappoint! On our way into the small town of Stanton, we passed a massive construction site. Tracy gave us the scoop on the new Ford plant and shared her distaste for the way it was already changing their community. Once affordable housing skyrocketed with the commencement of the construction, leaving fewer options for those who were scraping by. Fact? Not sure. Tracy also told us the plant would employ 50,000 people, but that number was inflated just a bit.³

If you’re ever in Nashville and like quirky places to stay, be sure to visit Dave’s Place, a music lover’s dream—a Steinway piano, a record player, an 8-track cassette player, stacks of albums, more guitars than you could count, and music memorabilia. Chloe was enthralled with it all, and Dave was such a terrific guy!

We also visited the Parthenon in Nashville’s Centennial Park, marveling at the 42-foot statue of Athena, which is covered in gold leaf.

The re-creation of the 42-foot statue Athena is the focus of the Parthenon just as it was in ancient Greece. The building and the Athena statue are both full-scale replicas of the Athenian originals.

Originally built for Tennessee's 1897 Centennial Exposition, this replica of the Parthenon in Athens, Greece serves as a monument to what is considered the pinnacle of classical architecture.⁴

Clockwise from top left: the statue of Athena Parthenos; Nashville’s Parthenon; Chloe playing Dave’s Steinway, gifted to him by a frequent guest; one room of Dave’s guitar collection; Dave showing Chloe how to operate a record player.

From Nashville we headed north to Cincinnati, arriving with only one morning to check out Findlay Market, Eden Park, and Krohn Conservatory before Chloe had to check in for rehearsal at the beautiful Hilton Cincinnati Netherland Plaza. Five more family members arrived Friday, and we had a wonderful dinner together before the concert on Saturday at Cincinnati Music Hall.

I’ve thrown a sort of newsy, travelogue at you thus far, but I’m getting to the really good part--I promise!

By Saturday morning, I was ready to get on the road and get home to my own bed and routine. It was a great trip, but as I said earlier, it was also a week of being constantly on the go. My attitude wasn’t the greatest, and I just wanted to get through the concert so we could make Memphis by nightfall.

But then I sat down in the venue where everyone grew quiet and still as the children filed in, followed by their conductor, Fernando Malvar-Ruiz.⁵ With the first song, I was transported to my own experiences singing with various choirs in high school and college some thirty years ago. To hear a song floating through the air via 215 elementary school children singing different yet complementary notes—it was extraordinary! Individual voices joined together as one and produced something soothing and inspiring.

When the ensemble began their second number, “Listen” by Reena Esmail, I remembered Chloe telling us the composer visited them at rehearsal and shared the story behind the lyrics.

When I worked with Urban Voices Project, a choir on Skid Row in downtown Los Angeles, I met a man named Brian Palmer. He used to say, “One act of love, I know for sure, is to listen.”

We lost Brian a few years later, suddenly and unexpectedly. And as I struggled to make sense of his death, these words rang in my ears, and became the foundation for this song.

“Listen” is about all the different ways we need to remind ourselves to listen. Whether to ourselves or to one another; when it’s easy and also when it’s difficult; to those who agree with us, and to those who don’t. Because we never know when the chance to listen might be gone forever.⁶

I managed to turn my voice recorder on just after the song began. The composer has a YouTube video of a different choir performing the song on her website, but there are many more voices in this clip I captured.

The lyrics are so moving when you consider the story.

Time is fleeting,
There’s just so long we remain
So listen deeply
For you might never have that moment 
to listen
again.

Every act of love is a mirror
Showing us our purest light
Every act of love is a pathway
Into one another’s lives
Every act of love is essential
To build a world that survives.

And that first act of love, I know, for sure, is to listen.

This idea of listening stayed with me long after we returned home from Cincinnati, and it was underscored as a read a post by

Miss Sober Jane

over at

Thanks For Letting Me Share

where she referenced the Peace Prayer of Saint Francis, specifically, the part about seeking to understand rather than be understood.⁷ I admit that I'm not always a good listener. I try to be, but I also like to talk.

I'm a better listener with strangers than my close family and friends. I think it’s because I assume I know them so well that I already know what’s going to come out of their mouths. How much do I miss from those I love most?

Even with my grandchildren, I find the older they get, the less I really listen. I remember when Chloe was very young her mom would drop her off to us very early so she could get to her job at the hospital, and we’d feed her breakfast and get her to daycare. I listened a lot then, even creating a whole social media series called #conversationswithchloe. We were learning so much about her as a person through our morning chats.

Our trip to Cincinnati gave me undistracted time with her to listen, though she’s not saying as much at eleven as she did at four. Time is fleeting, and she’ll be grown in no time. #conversationswithchloe are a precious commodity these days.

With all these reminders to listen and to understand, I'm trying to practice the art of shutting up. I have resolved to listen more and talk less, especially with my kids and grandkids. I had a good opportunity for that this week.

As part of his long-term rehabilitation program requirements, my son Jonah—nine months sober, by the way!—scheduled an amends session with me and his counselor.⁸ So much of me wanted to dismiss his rehashing the ways he had hurt me because I forgave him a long time ago. I didn't want to go back but to continue the forward momentum.

I understood, however, this was something he needed to do for himself, for his recovery. So I listened. And in the listening, I learned more about him—who he is, his understanding of how he got to today, his assessment of the skills he’s learned these last nine months, his goals, and his plans for the immediate future. I am listening and learning, and that is where the loving is. Not in remembering who he was as a child in my home at nine years old or even 14, but in understanding who he is today as a 21-year-old man.⁹

Every act of love is a mirror
Showing us our purest light
Every act of love is a pathway
Into one another’s lives
Every act of love is essential
To build a world that survives.

And that first act of love, I know, for sure, is to listen.

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YOUR TURN

Do you find yourself talking too much in conversations? Or are you a listener? What tips have helped you be a better listener?

1. Read more about our venture:

Midweek Musings: Piecing It Together

2. American Choral Directors Association

3. I later found a write-up of the project.

“STANTON, Tenn., Sept. 29, 2021 – Ford Motor Company is announcing plans to create an environmentally and technologically advanced campus in west Tennessee that will produce the next generation of electric F-Series trucks and batteries. The all-new $5.6 billion mega campus in Stanton, Tennessee, called Blue Oval City, will create approximately 6,000 new jobs and help strengthen the local community…”

https://media.ford.com/content/fordmedia/fna/us/en/news/2021/09/29/ford--sk-innovation-add-6-000-jobs-in-tennessee.html

4. https://www.nashville.gov/departments/parks/parthenon

5. https://www.laphil.com/musicdb/artists/5956/fernando-malvar-ruiz

6. https://www.reenaesmail.com/catalog-item/listen/

7. Ironically, while reacquainting myself with the entire Peace Prayer, I realized the last song Chloe's choir sang was a mix of Dona Nobis Pacem, the Peace Prayer, and other quotes on peace, composed by Richard Clark.

https://www.rjcceciliamusic.com/choral-works/dona-nobis-pacem-ssa-piano-cello/

8. If you’re unfamiliar with his recovery journey, I’ve written several posts about it (with his permission). Read more here, here, here, here, and here.

9. I read a post while on my road trip that really drove this point home. Do read it if you get the chance.

My Parents Only Wanted What was Best for Me. Too Bad They Had No Idea What It Was.