I wrote an essay about our parents being human and realizing, after a monumental conversation with my mother, that who I knew her to be was someone deeply affected by trauma. Might be time for a followup, but I will say that I finally understood what it meant to heal. It was wonderful.
On my own account, one of the first parental principles I developed is remembering that my child is their own person and not an extension of me. It has helped me accept and mother the child I have and not the one I want.
Great topic and thanks for the recommended essay from Amran.
Wow, I really need to read The Book of Eulogies. I remember as a shy, introverted 15 year old, writing a eulogy when my grandma died and reading it at the funeral service. Afterwards, extended family and friends of my grandma came up to me to tell me how moving my eulogy was -- and then proceeded to ask if I would write their eulogies when they died. I appreciated the compliment on my writing, but it took me back, the cluelessness to think I could write something as moving for someone I wasn't deeply connected to. As I've gotten older and tapped into my empathic self, I've come to realize I probably could write moving eulogies for people I don't know well or at all.
There's so much to say about this subject. Forgiving our parents is perhaps one of our most important lessons/tasks in this life. And you are correct, it's hard to write about it when our parents are still alive, which is why I waited, ha! Forgiving my mom was one of the most freeing experiences of my life, and likely what has taught me to be more forgiving of myself. 💟
interestingly, i think my mother was almost too good - i had to leave and individuate not to be totally in her shadow... am afraid i may be doing something similar to my own daughter. Thanks for the link and kind comments Holly.
I think most of us judge our parents a bit too harshly when we're young. I know that I certainly did...until I got older and realized just all they went through with life and trying to make a house a home. My wife and I don't even have kids and we sometimes feel overwhelmed. I can only imagine how worse it would be if there were kids in the mix. Parents (most of them, anyway) deserve all the respect in the world. None of us would be here without them.
I wrote an essay about our parents being human and realizing, after a monumental conversation with my mother, that who I knew her to be was someone deeply affected by trauma. Might be time for a followup, but I will say that I finally understood what it meant to heal. It was wonderful.
On my own account, one of the first parental principles I developed is remembering that my child is their own person and not an extension of me. It has helped me accept and mother the child I have and not the one I want.
Great topic and thanks for the recommended essay from Amran.
I think we're all just trying to do the best we can, and that often means trusting your gut & winging it.
Wow, I really need to read The Book of Eulogies. I remember as a shy, introverted 15 year old, writing a eulogy when my grandma died and reading it at the funeral service. Afterwards, extended family and friends of my grandma came up to me to tell me how moving my eulogy was -- and then proceeded to ask if I would write their eulogies when they died. I appreciated the compliment on my writing, but it took me back, the cluelessness to think I could write something as moving for someone I wasn't deeply connected to. As I've gotten older and tapped into my empathic self, I've come to realize I probably could write moving eulogies for people I don't know well or at all.
There's so much to say about this subject. Forgiving our parents is perhaps one of our most important lessons/tasks in this life. And you are correct, it's hard to write about it when our parents are still alive, which is why I waited, ha! Forgiving my mom was one of the most freeing experiences of my life, and likely what has taught me to be more forgiving of myself. 💟
interestingly, i think my mother was almost too good - i had to leave and individuate not to be totally in her shadow... am afraid i may be doing something similar to my own daughter. Thanks for the link and kind comments Holly.
I think most of us judge our parents a bit too harshly when we're young. I know that I certainly did...until I got older and realized just all they went through with life and trying to make a house a home. My wife and I don't even have kids and we sometimes feel overwhelmed. I can only imagine how worse it would be if there were kids in the mix. Parents (most of them, anyway) deserve all the respect in the world. None of us would be here without them.