We picked up Jonah Thursday for our annual family beach trip (he picked up his 4-month chip the week before—yay!), and after reading last week’s Dear George, he had to set the record straight. In that post, I wrote that one of his friends “caught a squirrel and hid it in their bathroom for three days until the staff found it and made him release it.”
My facts were off. There was a squirrel, but the three-day bathroom captive was a different critter. We’ll get to that story, but first—
Gulf Shores, Alabama
This vacation marked the first in a number of years where our son was sober. With him and another adult child along for the ride, the road trip felt like some of the ones we took when the kids were younger—funny stories, jokes, laughing, some snorting (the laughing kind, not the drug-inhalation kind, thank God), someone yelling for a rest stop because they’re way too old to pee on the side of the road, windows being rolled down because no one wants to smell a chicken shawarma burp. My heart needed that time together in ways I didn’t even realize.
We had a smaller crowd than usual at the beach house this year, which was unexpected but turned out to be a good thing. I’ve been pulled in so many directions the last few months that I haven’t had enough one-on-one time with my kids. My daughter, Britt, and I chatted as we swatted sand flies, searched for shells in the surf, and soaked in the sunsets. She caught me up on the boyfriend she kicked to the curb, her new pup’s antics, what she’s reading, and how things are going with her new roommate. There were lots of giggles, hugs, and selfies.
Jonah joined us on the beach a good bit, taking morning walks and looking like Fabio with his new muscles and shiny long hair (I insisted he use my good shampoo and conditioner). He initiated a couple of serious conversations about his recovery, but we also talked about silly things like Sea Bear circles1 and how many eggs he scrambles for “a snack.”2
This was his first extended time away from his treatment program. He slept late, stayed up late reading or watching TV, and took afternoon naps. Lots of sleeping. Did this make me nervous? You bet it did—until I remembered that he lived in a house with five other guys in a close community of many more. Three days at the beach—a room to himself, not having to get up early for work, no meetings, no groups—it made total sense that he was taking advantage of that! On the drive home, he said he was ready to get back because he missed his groups and meetings—it was good to hear.
For today’s newsletter, I almost went straight into the squirrel story, but a big reason I write is so someone else out there doesn’t feel so alone in the stuff life throws our way. Different seasons have given me different challenges to overcome. This season happens to include navigating life with a son in recovery, continuing to learn how to parent adult children, evaluating my priorities, and recalibrating often. I share my experiences because plodding through excrement is universal. We are all trudging through something, and it’s easier to trudge if you have someone there to grab hold of your hand and pull you out of the muck when you get bogged down. Or laugh with you if you fall in it.
Consider sharing this post with someone who needs it today.
I recorded these narratives for accuracy because there’s nothing more embarrassing than making the same mistake twice. Plus, I could never tell it quite like the 20-year-old can.
ME: “So tell me about the squirrel.”
JONAH: “There was this baby squirrel that fell out of the tree. We have that happen pretty often actually, and they usually don’t survive. This one survived, but he was kind of hurt. So R. picked him up, brought him into his closet, and he fed it for three weeks until he went on pass.”
ME: “Fed him what?”
JONAH: “I don’t remember exactly. He looked up what to feed baby squirrels…”
ME: “How did he keep the squirrel from getting all over the room?”
JONAH: “I’m not sure since it was in a different house. It just stayed in the closet. None of the counselors or techs ever found out. R. ended up releasing him because he was leaving for like 3 or 4 days.”
Readers, I don’t want to insult your intelligence, but I feel must pause for a few words from our sponsor, Common Sense. I’ve conferred with Ms. Sense, and she agrees that should you find yourself in residential rehab, hiding a baby squirrel (or any other wild animal) in your closet for three weeks probably isn’t the best idea.
THE SNAKE
Ms. Sense refuses to even weigh in on the next story, and Britt was rather horrified as Jonah recounted this obviously special time in his life. I’m going to remind you that my son’s prefrontal cortex is still not fully developed, and his choices are often in direct opposition to everything I’ve taught my children. Maybe some of you can relate?
JONAH: “I walked out the back of our house, and there was a baby water moccasin on the sidewalk. So I picked it up and put him in a Tupperware container and put some dirt in there and put him in my bathroom for 3 days.”
MY BRAIN: Frozen at the image of my son picking up a poisonous snake with his bare hands. Did not process process anything after that statement. Needs clarification.
ME: “In your bathroom? Or your bathtub?”
JONAH: “No, the bathroom. Just on the counter.”
ME: “On the counter? It didn’t slither away?… Oh, you said Tupperware! Okay, I’m with you.”
JONAH: “It did get out ofa hole in the Tupperware—because I poked holes in it so he could breathe. Yeah, that was almost bad.”
MY BRAIN: Ya think?!
BRITT: “It got out of the Tupperware container? Where did it go?!”
JONAH: <nonchalance> “It was just in the bathroom. On the floor. So I picked it up and put it back in.”
BRITT: “Could you imagine if it had gotten out of the bathroom?!”
JONAH: “No…I can’t. Hahahaha!”
BRITT: “Do your roommates know about this? Were they okay with this?”
JONAH: “Yeah.” ←-Read that with the inflection of “Of course!” like it is the most natural thing in the world to harbor a poisonous snake in one’s shared bathroom.
BRITT: “What?!”
ME: “But you have to remember he didn’t have the same roommates then. He has wiser, more responsible roommates now, who would probably not allow him to bring a freaking water moccasin into the house.”
JONAH: “Then G. [the counselor] found out and told P. [the tech] that if it wasn’t gone by 10:00 that morning that he was going to kill it. So P. took it and released it next to [redacted] High School.”
ME: “Oh, that’s a great place to release a snake!”
MY BRAIN: And these are the people I’m paying to ensure my son makes good choices. Fabulous.
JONAH: “Right?! I was going to hide the water moccasin in the toilet so G. couldn’t kill it.”
ME: “Like in the tank?!”
JONAH: “Yeah. “
ME: “How do you know it was a water moccasin?”
JONAH: “Because I had multiple people look at it.”
ME: “What color was it?”
JONAH: “Water moccasin color.”
ME: “What color are water moccasins?”
JONAH: “Like brown…blackish…something like that? Not like full brown.”
ME: “So was it a water snake? Or a water moccasin?”
JONAH: “Yeah. That’s it—that’s what he looked like. He was tiny. I thought he was an earthworm at first.”
ME: “Interesting. It says ‘Baby cottonmouth snakes often get confused with worms.’”
JONAH: “We named him Youngblood.”
MY BRAIN: Of course they did. <facepalm>
BONUS CONTENT
We stopped at a convenience store on the way home and I did a double-take upon seeing this display of chips.
What in the South Louisiana is Lil Boosie’s face doing on a bag of chips?! Upon closer inspection, I noticed all of these chips feature a rap artist. And after investigating, I found that Rap Snacks has been a thing for 25 years. Am I really that out of touch?
James Lindsay, a Miami-based entrpreneur, started “Rap Snacks, Inc. in 1994, a snack foods company that featured hip-hop artists on the brand—the first of its kind in the US. The success of Rap Snacks allowed Lindsay to solidify a co-marketing agreement with Universal Records to advertise Universal’s Artists on all Rap Snacks bags. Eventually the company grew into a $5 million dollar business selling mostly twenty-five cent bags of chips…
In 2017, Lindsay began collaborating with Percy ‘Master P’ Miller to expand the product line into foods such as noodles, breakfast cereals, and rice with the creation of P&J Foods, a partnership between the two.”4
Again I ask—am I the last to know about this?
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If this poll tilts overwhelmingly “yes,” I may need you to leave information in the comments letting me know how old you are and where you first saw these.
Did you know for the low, low price of $59.99, you, too, can have your very own baby water moccasin? The listing comes with a warning: *These Are Venomous Reptiles Please Check Your State Laws Before Ordering*
Sounds like a fabulous trip! What a brilliant post - it had my jaw on the floor from snake-related horror AND my body shaking uncontrollably with laughter - a difficult combination to pull off simultaneously, but I feel I nailed it.
But fifteen eggs? WOW! I eat a LOT of eggs - but how on earth does could fifteen eggs count as a SNACK?!
Sounds like you had a wonderful trip with your family! Road trip convenience stores are great for weird food finds. We recently found little packs of Stroopwafels in the most unlikely of places while traveling to Seaside, Oregon.
As for young adults and their judgement - often it's best not to know what they're up to until after the fact. My son took up backcountry snowboarding as a teen, and now travels to some pretty remote places. His stories sometimes make me cringe. Once a mom, always a worrier.
Sounds like a fabulous trip! What a brilliant post - it had my jaw on the floor from snake-related horror AND my body shaking uncontrollably with laughter - a difficult combination to pull off simultaneously, but I feel I nailed it.
But fifteen eggs? WOW! I eat a LOT of eggs - but how on earth does could fifteen eggs count as a SNACK?!
Sounds like you had a wonderful trip with your family! Road trip convenience stores are great for weird food finds. We recently found little packs of Stroopwafels in the most unlikely of places while traveling to Seaside, Oregon.
As for young adults and their judgement - often it's best not to know what they're up to until after the fact. My son took up backcountry snowboarding as a teen, and now travels to some pretty remote places. His stories sometimes make me cringe. Once a mom, always a worrier.