Speaking of...
soup, setting the table, and returning to life
Greetings from Mississippi, where we have dipped below freezing this week. I can finally put the shorts away.1 That usually doesn’t happen in October, so we’re feeling a bit giddy—Mike because he finally gets a break from yard maintenance, and me because it’s bonfire-and-soup weather!
Speaking of soup…
We had our friend Tony2 over for dinner this week, and I pulled out a tried-and-true meal from my friend Tiffany—Italian Beef Soup. If you’re a novice in the kitchen (and I certainly was when she passed it along), add this to your recipe book. It’s simple and hearty. My kids always ate it, even with “red and green things”, and Mike, who rarely requests specific meals, actually asks for this one when I’m planning our dinners.
I also tried Pesto Pinwheels, a new-to-me recipe, which turned out a little soggy but still delicious. I’ll definitely use this croissant dough concept when I need quick, crowd-pleasing fare in the future. I completed the menu with a simple salad of romaine, cherry tomatoes, and banana peppers tossed with Italian dressing and topped with parmesan cheese.
As empty-nesters, Mike and I can get into a rut of cooking the easy things and not properly setting the table for a meal, so it’s a wonderful change in routine when Tony joins us for dinner. We spend hours trying new foods and catching up on life. And I always set the table for four.
When we were getting to know him a couple of years ago, I asked Tony how I could pray for him. He told me about his desire to meet someone he could marry and share his life with. In his mid-thirties, he’s grown weary of waiting and wonders if there will ever be a Mrs. Anderson.3 I get that completely. So I pray and encourage, and I set the table.
Mrs. Anderson may not be dining with us yet, but we always set her place, anticipating the day when she will be sitting with us at the table. It’s an act of faith, like that of the widow of Zarephath, who didn’t have enough flour and oil to feed Elijah, herself, and her son. But she trusted Elijah’s promise of God’s provision—not only for that meal but for many meals to come—and she set the table.4
Setting the table for the future Mrs. Anderson encourages Tony, and what better gift for a friend than a good meal and hope?
Speaking of setting the table…
The other day over at The Wildroots Parables, S.E. Reid, a Celtic Christian, posted a discussion thread on setting the table, not for a future guest but for another type: the departed, as in the dead.
“On Monday, our devotional focused on how this season can be a profound time to contemplate mortality and think about our relationship with the departed dead—those we knew, and those we did not. At this time, the Celts would have considered the veil between the human world and the spiritual world to be thin, and autumn was the perfect season to set a place at the table for those beloved friends and family who had died.
Today, let’s discuss: does the concept of “setting the table” for those we love who have passed away resonate with you? Why or why not? Does your belief system (or personal philosophy) allow for continuing a relationship with the departed dead in any way, or not?”5
We’re entering the season when many celebrate All Saint’s Day, All Soul’s Day, All Hallow’s Eve, and Día de Muertos, which all have to do with celebrating the departed, but S.E.'s post drew my mind to the idea of remembering our loved ones by reserving space at the table for them.
Many of us have heard of "Missing man tables"6 honoring fallen servicemen in restaurants on Memorial Day in the United States, and of course, tables are beautifully prepared for departed loved ones during Mexico's Día de Muertos.
I’ve never set the table for the deceased, but just as I honor Tony’s future wife by carefully laying out plates and utensils, setting a place for those who have gone before me would honor their memory and remind me of their legacy. I’m considering a new tradition for our table—not necessarily during a particular time of the year, but perhaps on birthdays or anniversaries of those who have passed.
I don’t think this practice is limited to the deceased or those we await. We can also benefit by holding the absent in our hearts during a meal. When our Taiwanese son returned to his home country after living with us for a year,7 he sent us moon cakes.8 We promptly set the table for six instead of five, adding a place in his honor. As we ate the cakes, we remembered our fun times with him and took selfies to send him. Life moves so quickly and becomes so full that we must be intentional in remembering.
In just a couple of days, Jonah will celebrate five months of sobriety,9 and while that’s not very long, it’s been five months of having my son back from the land of the dead (because that’s what active addiction does; it makes you a shell of a human in body, mind, and spirit). To celebrate his milestone, maybe I’ll set a place for him (we'll eat while he attends a group meeting somewhere miles away). While I am thankful for the miracle of having my son back, I don’t want to forget his addiction, the hell he lived through, and how that dead man walking returned to life. Returned to us. Returned to himself, the person he was meant to be and the life he was meant to lead.10
Speaking of returning to life…
Over the summer, many of you followed my posts on being a stem cell donor for my brother, who has Acute Myeloid Leukemia. By the time this posts, Van will be at Day +86 from his stem cell transplant, and he’s anticipating a 90-day bone marrow biopsy next week. They’ll check to see if any mutations have returned, and we are quite hopeful that all will be clear.
Too much has pointed toward extraordinary healing through this process. As I wrote in Whispers to the Willing:
I walked in for Day 2 of injections to stimulate my cell count, and the nurse excitedly said, “Your white blood cell count is really high!”
“That’s what we wanted, right?”
“Yeah! But yours jumped from 6,000 to 40,000 after just one day!”
Apparently that was remarkable.
A whisper from God that this was going to work.
And…
On the day they collected my cells I waited for the call to see if they had gotten enough or if they would need to collect a second day.
“We were shooting for 5 million, and we got 5.6 million…so we have more than enough!”
A whisper from God that He was making sure this old(ish) body of mine was behaving like a young one.
And…
…on my brother’s transplant day, the nurse came in with a look of astonishment.
“Your sister’s cells are 100% viable. Normally we see about 98%—maybe 99%—but not 100%.”
Hello, God. I read you loud and clear.
Just a couple of weeks ago Van shared with me a text he received from his Nurse Practitioner about his 60-day chimerism test:11
“Did you see that chimerism [result]? Greater than 99% Holly’s blood cells!! It doesn’t get better! You topped out the test!”
As an IT security analyst, I look for trends and patterns in everything, and I definitely see a trend here, don’t you?
YOUR TURN
What’s your favorite fall soup or appetizer?
Do you practice setting the table for someone special who won’t be present?
Is there anyone in your life who’s returning to life? Are you? If so, what’s giving you new life?
Join the discussion in the comments!
BONUS CONTENT
What I’m watching
I’ve finally found my groove again on the treadmill after all the time away from home. Please do not think I do crazy things or run or that I enjoy sweating. I simply like to eat delicious foods and play in the yard with my grandchildren. These things require daily exercise. We rarely watch television, so when I’m sweating and huffing and puffing, I allow myself some Netflix time. This week I’m revisiting an old favorite—Anne with an E, a simply beautiful series that takes on real issues.
What I’m listening to
I’ve been enjoying Spotify’s Jazz for Autumn playlist—mellow, soothing, very chill. Perfect music for cooking, dining, or writing.
Finally (I know, the mind reels that there could be more after this12), last weekend we joined some family and friends at the Natchez Balloon Festival where THE MOLLY RINGWALDS (<--all caps to represent my excitement) headlined Friday night. Unfamiliar? This band originated in Sheffield, England, and is "the ultimate 80s cover band."13 If you're a fan of 80s music and they'll be in a city near you, do yourself a favor and go enjoy the show. You'll forget all your troubles for at least an hour and a half and will probably see some really awful dancing in the crowd.
“With [Sir Devin] Nooner dressed as Adam Ant, guitarist Randi Wilde dons the layered Devo plastic red hat; bassist Lord Phillip Wang is a curly, blonde Twisted Sister; Dickie English on keyboards plays Pee-Wee Herman; and the drummer, Sir Liam Thunders, is the Karate Kid. They perform more than 100 shows per year but remain based in their adopted city of New Orleans where Nooner says their most dedicated fans live. They rarely (if ever) return to their home city in England.”14
At least until Christmas when we seem to have our mid-winter summer. Nothing like family holiday photos with short sleeves all around.
Not his real name.
Also not his real last name.
Elijah and the Widow at Zarephath, 1 Kings 17, The Holy Bible.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Missing_man_table
That story is in the works!
https://www.economist.com/culture/2022/09/15/mooncakes-an-ancient-tradition-are-constant-yet-variable
“Chimerism testing (engraftment analysis) is performed for patients who have received a hematopoietic stem cell transplant. The test involves identifying the genetic profiles of the recipient and of the donor and then evaluating the extent of the mixture in the recipient’s blood or bone marrow.” http://uagcclinical.arizona.edu/test/chimerism-testing/
I may have also rewatched Runaway Bride this week.
I can’t even cite a source here because everyone knows it’s just a fact now.
https://www.livingneworleans.com/?p=14076
If Tony wants to find his "Mrs. Anderson", he will. I didn't find mine until I was in my 40s and it was a great reminder that things aren't always on the OUR timetable. It's nice to read that your life seems to be firing on all cylinders and heading in a great direction :) All the best!
I love everything about this post, Holly - thank you for the gift of it. Your third question - gosh, this is exactly the right week for you to have asked it, so thank you. As a family we're working on this one right now. As for setting the table for someone who's not there - I've never done this, although for high days and holidays we do take care to include in our dinner table conversation those who are missing. It would be nice to take this further, though, so thank you for the great suggestion.